• My brain during the day: Potato, potato, ching chong tomato
• My brain at night: I wonder why the Earth was placed exactly here and allowed us to provide a perfect climate to sustain human life.

• Non-religious person: I just don't really like religion...
• That one Christian we all know: I hate when people are so ignorant about religion! Like seriously, I respect people's opinions and views, but they need to stop dissing God. Why would they even say that around me? They know I'm a Christian! It just bugs me so much when people do that. I respect everyone's opinion, but when they're so naïve about religion, I just can't stand it.

• Straight person: I support gay rights.
• Ignorant person: Gay.
• Straight person: No, I think you misunderstood, I am heterosexual, but I don't see anything wrong with people who aren't the same as me, I think they deserve the same respect as the rest of us.
• Ignorant person: Faggot. You're going to hell.
• Straight person: Kay cool, brb gonna go kick a dog.
• Ignorant person: WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? It's just a dog it's not hurting anybody, why are you being so cruel to it?
• Straight person: Oh lol wow didn't know you were a dog. Freak...
• Ignorant person: I'm not a dog...
• Straight person: Well obviously you are, why else would you being trying to stand up for dogs if you're not a dog?
• Ignorant person: Wow, don't you know you can stand up for something without being it?
• Straight person: ...
• Ignorant person: oh...
• Straight person: Go fuck yourself.

I was at the mall yesterday and I saw a gentlemen with a ponytail

• Me: Excuse me sir, may I speak to you?
• Ponytail guy: Yeah?
• Me: I was like you, I had a ponytail and, well, I know i sound weird, but I'm being serious. I had to cut it ad I've regretted it ever since. Just, don't do it man. I'm happy for you.
• Ponytail guy: ...
• Me: Just, don't let it go